Classified by thematic dryness and philosophical lethargy.
"A foot has five toes. Sometimes I count them to verify none of them departed for the grocery store. None of them did. They are attached to my leg."
"My chicken sandwich had lettuce on it. The lettuce was green. Now it is gone."
"Water is 100% hydration. Fountain soda contains ice, which is cold water, plus flavor syrup. That is more than 100%. Mathematically indisputable."
"I saw a bird walking across the quad today. It took 44 steps. I observed inefficient calcaneal strike angles. Then it flew. Cheater."
"Mother and sister whisper to me in the dark. They say: 'Louis, buy a meal plan.' I tell them no. They vanish in frustration."
"I weighed 128 pounds yesterday. Today I ate a sandwich. I weigh 128 pounds. Gravity respects my boundaries."